AK Answers Life’s Toughest Questions


Today I’ll be your idiot!

What is the meaning of life?

Am I making the right call?

Who does that?

What on Earth could “Potatoes Not Included” mean?

What’s the password?

Did the butler do it?

Who do you think you are?

Are you kidding me?

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

Where’s Waldo?

Will this hell never end?


Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

The meaning of life is individualized. In a custom order world that is the only thing that makes sense. Each person has to find their own meaning. If they cannot, well, then I suggest the answer is, as always, 42. 42 what? Again, that’s individualized. If you figure it out, please let me know, but for today I’m going to say towels. Yes, the meaning of life is having 42 towels. I’m halfway there, if you count the ones meant for dishes.

You are making the right call if the call you are making doesn’t hurt someone else intentionally – the caveat being if that hurt is actually required, like when a splinter is pulled out. You are also making the right call if the repercussions are something you’ll be able to deal with regardless of which way they turn. You’ve got this, I promise. Either way this will turn out okay in the end.

Who does that? Who? I’ll tell you who. Everyone. Even if you don’t see them do it, they’ve done it. We’re all guilty. Trust me, right now there is someone in this world who is asking that question in reference to you. Don’t give them a reason to fill in a bad answer. “Oh, a douche canoe does that!” Don’t be a douche canoe.

“Potatoes not included” is a funny phrase! Out of all of the questions on this list, this is the only one for which I used Google. I was curious. Have you ever made a potato clock? No? Google is your friend. According to most sites where one can order the kit, potatoes are definitely not included.

The password is bandersnatch. It’s always bandersnatch.

The butler did not do it, mostly because that job description isn’t as prevalent as it once was. Blame the income gap. No, it’s far more likely that one character who popped back up after a long absence is the guilty one. Or the spouse. Always check the spouse.

Who do I think I am? I am me. And you are you. I guess I could be wrong but I find it difficult to imagine I went through this many years thinking I’m AK only to turn out to be someone else. I’m probably a school janitor and AK is my dream personality.

Am I kidding you? Only a little bit.

Carmen Sandiego is kicking it in a nudie bar with Waldo and Dora the Explorer in Amsterdam. Boots is in the bathroom puking his guts out and Map got pulled out to be used for origami.  SpongeBob was there but the employees started using him to clean the bathrooms and he got freaked out and left. Patrick just starfished a woman at the bar and now they’re waiting on the cops.

I just told you where Waldo is. What I didn’t tell you is that he’s the one dancing at the nudie bar. They really like his hat.

Will this hell never end? It just did.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s